Wednesday, May 20, 2009

Good post about overcoming toxic parent holiday guilt

On the LGBT site, Pam's House Blend. There is a lot we can learn from the gay experience of intolerant family members.

This post includes over 120 comments, including those from straights. Here's a good one by heterosexual married woman, Louise:

"I'm straight yet have been there, making the choice of birth family versus adult family. Have all but disassociated myself away from the majority of my family because of my father, who got drunk and screamed that I should divorce my husband during the last holiday we spent at my parents'. I was 3 months' pregnant with our younger child and started to cramp from the stress, as well as saw our 2 year old cry in terror of her grandfather. My husband calmly said, 'Louise, let's go home now' and we drove back the 100 miles during a bad snowstorm to get home.

"No regrets. I grew up that day. We are cordial and he will never get drunk in front of his grandchildren again.

"At first it felt odd to 'not be home' for holidays, then over time we set our own traditions and look forward to the days rather than dread, as was the almost 30 year pattern for me.

"Other people will not change their opinions on your life, unless forced to choose to do so. And even then, it's not up to you- all you can do is decide how YOU are going to react and leave the choice to them."

Amen, sister.

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